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Hello there fine folk!

It's been a few days but I have been quite busy and trying to relax when I get the opportunity.

I've been planning for my "move" to Louisiana and last week received a $360 psychologist bill (that I just started to see for GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder) and I pushed my move date two weeks (a pay period) back so that my other bills don't get messed up. But then she told me yesterday that they should reimburse me if I send the receipts in for a claim...idk it is super aggravating and I just want to know for sure they will reimburse me. Either way, I will have this extra two weeks and I will not, indeed, be leaving until the first week of May. I planned before to leave the second week of April and now my last day of work will be around April 26 (hopefully) and since my little brother turns 21 two days after that (28th) I figured I would stick it out another week to celebrate and then I can pack everything without work tiring me out.
I contacted Renee (who I am work-exchanging for) and she said there is a Labor of Love gathering or something in May so it's better that I can come later so that I can help with that.

I also decided to vlog about my moving experience and things on my mind about it or questions that I have. I posted one on youtube, but the quality is horrible so I might have to re-record it. I will post it in here eventually if you would like to follow along.

My dad's wife had surgery Monday so I have been watching the kids after school for a few hours and getting dinner ready and helping with homework. My last night doing that is Friday I believe.

Also, yesterday I went to my doctor's office to discuss being put on anti-anxiety medication. I don't know how much I explained my anxiety on here, but it is pretty bad. Bad enough that I went to talk to someone about it. I actually thought I was just the only weird strange thinking scared person in the world or that there weren't a lot, but one day I googled something like "I feel like everyone is watching me" creepy, right? But anyways it took me to this page about Social Anxiety Disorder and I was reading all of the symptoms about feeling like if you do one wrong thing everyone will see and judge you, people are constantly watching you (esp while driving I get this), having to be on the phone with friends when shopping alone, finding excuses why you can't go out with coworkers for lunch and what not. I literally was crying when I read the list because for about the past five or six years I thought I was just made wrong. I thought something in my brain was messed up and no one would understand. But there was a term for it. And I have watched a few youtube videos and there's one that makes so much sense to me about a woman and how she feels. I'm not afraid of people, I just am afraid that they are always watching me and judging me for some reason. Like when I stop at a light in the summer with my windows down, I will turn down the music so no one can hear it and judge me. It's so so dumb and I wish I didn't think like that but I am working on it. I cannot see the therapist anymore because I don't want to go through this dumb reimbursment thing anymore, but I learned enough so that I can work on exposure therapy, and with internet, I think I can figure it out on my own. I don't want to feel this way anymore. During my last appointment my therapist said she'd write a letter to my doctor to prescribe me medication and he did. Today is the first day that I started taking Buspirone which is mostly for anxiety with underlying depression (I tried to tell my doctor it's not depression because he was saying he wanted to give me ZOLOFT which is mostly for depression and he doesn't ever fucking listen to me when I say I have anxiety issues. I told him that I lost about 6 people in the past three years and he automatically assumed depression and while I am sad, I've mourned). I have anxiety and I'm working on it.
So I started with 10mg twice per day, I've taken both today and they made me a little lightheaded and anxious (not in a bad anxiety way, but like you're in a hurry way). In a few days I up it to three 10mg per day.

I will keep you updated, but I am done at work, so I must leave.

Ciao

xoAmanda