I've been dealing with a very very big decision over the past two weeks or so and I will share it with you today. How about now? Okay so...
As you may or may not know, I harbor a deep and infinite love for Louisiana. Why? The architecture being of the creole/cajun/greek revival period...come on? It makes me groan with want. If I could live in a greek revival plantation home white with pillars and cover the inside with wooden-framed pictures and velvet-y couches with long floral drapes to cover my high-cieling windows...you know I would DIE! Well...I know I would.
So I have been researching how to make the big move down south (from Michigan) for about two years now (ever since my first time there). I have no degree, no real prospects of a job, but I was offered housing and food from a work-exchange program that I stumbled upon. First I will tell you about work-exchange. It is where people can travel all over the world and stay with hosts for free in exchange for helping them with whatever they need. There are different people with set hours of work or just people with projects they need help with if they don't specialize in it (carpentry, wood work, building, organic farming, gardening, etc.) and some just need help around the house or business that you can offer. I don't specialize in anything really, except administrative duties, but I LOVE to help. I cannot sit around someone else's house if they need something done and just not do anything. When I was little, I went to my grandparent's basically every weekend and I would wake up around 8am and go help my grandpa until lunch time. He lived on a farm-style stead (only with a chicken coop) so we kept busy. He'd chop would and I would carry and stack it, he'd chop down brush (trees) and I would literally drag them (picture a buff, tan 8 year old girl with freckles and long hair) to a pile and later we'd burn it (yes I was pretty strong, not anymore), I'd collect the eggs and keep the chickens and roosters and ducks under control, I'd feed and water the animals and fish in the pond, I'd help park the tractors (huge), I'd do anything they asked of me. After lunch, my grandma usually would enlist my help in dusting, cleaning, putting groceries away, helping with dinner, dishes, setting the table for supper, organizing, etc. in the home. We stayed pretty damn busy. So that's where my need to always be busy stems from...
This work-exchange is exactly what I was looking for. Here's the link http://www.helpx.net/
I went straight for LA and scrolled through listings for hosts and found Renee Savant. She looked like a red-hot riot and I was intrigued. I read the description about helping out 30 hours a week about 3 hours from New Orleans on her Sanctuary that she had set up. I also about died when she said she had a home on St. Peter St. in the heart of the French Quarter. It is about two blocks (south?) of Bourbon St and SO beautiful. It is a shotgun home, I believe? I always admired the house structure with many different colors to choose from and hers is gorgeous. She says that she usually has workers for 4 weeks, they help at the sanctuary for three weeks and then the last week she drives them to her house in the quarter and lets them relax, tour around, eat, and there is no expectation of work. She is AWESOME! I sent her a facebook message right away explaining that I plan to relocate to LA and that it's a life changer for me. I would have to give up a great paying job, everything I know and have grown used to, my friends and family, and move down south. It would be something difficult but that I know I have to do. I told her I'd apply for jobs vigorously once arriving (after work) and might have to stay longer than a month if I can't get anything. She said I can stay as long as I'd like.
Um....
YES!
I am completely, 100% terrified. I will give you my list.
1. I cannot live without seeing my mom at least once per week. It would be so SO hard on me.
2. My best friend is having baby number 3 in 5 short weeks and I plan to leave in 7. I don't want her to be without me if she needs something or someone to talk to.
3. I don't want to miss my neice and nephew growing up or my friends having more babies without me there.
4. The love of my life lives here and of course, does not know yet (I plan to tell him if I do go) (it's been 10 years, why not one more month).
5. I have SEVERE Social Anxiety Disorder which I have only just begun to discuss with a therapist. Anyone with SAD will understand my horror at being uprooted and sent to a city where you know absolutely NO ONE and having to look people in the eye, talk, and not have someone there to turn to if you feel uncomfortable. I can't even go to the store alone here, I have to go with someone. Imagine when I have to start making a new circle of friends. Oy VEY! However, I also see it as a challenge, for myself to break free of SAD's hold on my life. I will be forced to address it.
6. My mom's dog, Tess. I call her my sister. She's my mom's dog and "baby" so she's technically my sister :) We've had her for 12 years this Fall and she's gone through cancer and back and always is by my side at home, especially if she senses that I'm sad or upset - she will be all up in my face to make me smile (it's kind of remarkable how she knows).
7. I won't be able to bring all of my books with me. Hahaha (: my book nerds out there will understand why this is so sad. I have three bookcases full and though I will not leave without my top ten or so favorite series', I will be sad to know that my blanket of comfort will be unavailable.
8. I am so so so scared (this is my number one fear) that I will not be able to find a good enough paying job and that I will have to drive home two months later with no money, no job, and everyone will judge me. And then I will have to try to find a new job to pay off my car here. I'd rather become one of those homeless people with a dog.
The only thing that would make this a deal breaker is if I had to leave my ancient dog Jellybean at home. Renee has pictures of her Sanctuary porch and there's lots of dogs that stray to her porch to sleep in the sun for a few hours before taking off again so she said she doesn't mind if I bring him along :) hopefully the heat and humidity don't kill his old ass. I am so excited and hope he behaves himself. One piss indoors and I will feel like the worst house guest ever.
Anyways, this is not set in stone exactly, but I feel way more like I am moving than I feel like I'm staying. I am so so scared to tell my boss, but I want to give him a month instead of two week notice so that he can find someone and even have me train them if he can. I don't want them to be crippled by me leaving by having to take out time to re-train a new girl on everything. I also know my responsibilities better than anyone so I'd be able to explain it better. Hopefully he doesn't judge me too bad, as it is something I'd love to do.
Also, there is a refinery down in Garyville which is like a sister refinery to the Detroit one (we get a lot of workers from there) and maybe he can give me a contact for applying there. That would be an amazing transfer for me.
So anyway, that's my news. Don't know 100% if I will do it, but more so than not, I will be filling up my gas tank for the 15-hour drive from Ann Arbor, Michigan to Lake Charles, Louisiana in 7 short weeks.
I am praying for guidance and the knowledge to make the best choice for my life path. I know that God will help me and stand by me either way, but I want to do what he wants for me. I want to make him happy and to make the best choice for myself as well.
Any prayers or thoughts would be so, so very much appreciated.
Here is a really quick look at my pictures lately:
I painted my nails my favorite color - turquoise on my lazy Friday night
Braided my hair by braiding three smaller braids into one big braid.
Started watching Charmed again last week and have had to keep watching it (I am now in Season 3) loveee my series.
Thank God I caught this! When he wakes up, he will sit STRAIGHT UP and look around all dopey and so so adorable. Yes he is wearing a Christmas sweater, only for when he goes out in the snow!
Had a few glasses of Barefoot moscato wine on Saturday while watching Charmed.
Lastly, I have been praying about the LA trip and asking for guidance. I feel God brought me this glorious sign from my Taco Bell Hot Sauce. Yes, I like it hot. Yes, I believe it's a sign ;)
xoAmanda
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